G is for Gestures & Nonverbal Cues – Reading body language, facial expressions, and physical movement as core parts of communication
When we think of communication, we often think of words. But for many neurodivergent children, words are only part of the story—and not always the most accessible one.
Movement, posture, facial expressions, vocal tone, and body orientation are all communication tools. Sometimes, they’re a child’s first language. Sometimes, they’re their clearest. And often, they’re the safest.
But in systems built around spoken responses—school testing, classroom prompts, even parenting scripts—these nonverbal messages can go completely unrecognized. Or worse, be corrected. And when that happens, the message is clear: Only certain kinds of communication count.
We have to do better than that.
Why Nonverbal Cues Are Communication
According to Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory, our sense of safety is transmitted not by words but through facial expression, tone of voice, and body language. Long before children learn how to speak, they’re listening with their whole nervous system.
Dr. Barry Prizant, in Uniquely Human, emphasizes that behaviors like hand flapping, scripting, or turning away aren’t symptoms to extinguish. They’re clues. They’re expressions. They’re communication strategies—especially for kids who are nonspeaking, minimally verbal, or overwhelmed by pressure to perform language.
We don’t need to fix these strategies.We need to learn to understand them.
Common Nonverbal Cues We Might Miss
A child pulls away when someone gets too close → “I want connection, but I need space.”
A child repeats a motion or flaps → “I’m excited” or “I’m self-regulating.”
A child lays their head on a desk → “I’m done, but I can’t say that out loud.”
A child turns their body toward the exit → “I want to go—I may not be able to say so.”
These are all legitimate, relational signals. Not quirks. Not defiance. Not “bad habits.” They are how the child communicates what they feel before they have the words for it—or instead of words altogether.
The Emotional Impact of Being Misread
When a child is constantly misunderstood—especially in emotionally loaded moments—two things can happen:
They escalate in order to finally be heard.
They shut down completely.
Neither response means the child is “difficult.”It means their safer communication strategies didn’t work—so they reached for something bigger, louder, or riskier to get through.
And if that doesn’t work? Many kids simply stop trying.
When we miss nonverbal communication, we don’t just miss information. We miss the chance to connect. To prevent a meltdown. To say: I see you. I believe you. You don’t have to fight to be understood here.
How Adults Can Model Nonverbal Communication
We teach kids how to interpret communication by how we show up ourselves.
✅ Use calm body posture, gentle eye contact, and open hands
✅ Mirror what a child is doing nonverbally to signal understanding
✅ Pair speech with gesture—pointing, signing, visuals
✅ Use facial expression and tone intentionally, not sharply
When adults rely too much on speech alone, we teach kids that the body doesn’t matter. When we tune in differently, we model that language lives in more than just our mouths.
Supporting Nonverbal Communication in Daily Life
✅ Slow down and observe.
Before assuming intent, ask: “What might they be trying to show me?”
✅ Narrate what you notice.
“I see you’re holding your ears. Is it too loud?”
“You’re looking at your water bottle. Want a drink?”
✅ Honor gestures as complete communication.
If a child reaches, points, or walks toward a desired item—you don’t need to wait for verbal confirmation to respond.
✅ Don’t demand ‘use your words’ if the child is already communicating.
Offer options instead: “You can tap the red card or point again—I’ll know what you mean.”
✅ Use AAC, visuals, and sensory supports.
These aren’t “backup plans.” They are real communication tools—and they work.
A Real-World Example
A parent notices that their child always taps their foot when they’re about to ask for something. Sometimes the request never comes out—they just freeze, visibly stuck.
Instead of prompting, “Use your words,” the parent says, “I see you tapping—do you need something?” and hands over a visual menu or gestures toward choices.
That moment might seem small. But it teaches the child:
Your body speaks.
I’m listening.
You don’t need to be verbal to be understood.
Key Takeaway
Every behavior is a communication attempt.
Every gesture is a doorway.
Every nonverbal cue is a chance to respond with care.
We don’t build connection by waiting for a full sentence. We build it by noticing what’s already being said—through movement, rhythm, and presence.
💬 What nonverbal gestures show up most in your home, classroom, or community?
📲 Follow Valley Inclusive Play Space for weekly strategies that center safety, not scripts.
Sources Cited:
Prizant, B. (2015). Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism
Porges, S. (2017). The Pocket Guide to Polyvagal Theory
Delahooke, M. (2019). Beyond Behaviors
Greenspan, S. I., & Wieder, S. (1998). The Child with Special Needs